Avocado's Number

We received a shoebox full of guacamole from Miami. There is no good way to ship one avocado. Sonya performed surgery on this massive specimen, but the behemoth was dead on arrival. ...so when life gives you lemons, make guacamole.


The recipe I found was a little to heavy on the garlic for my taste, but it was still better than letting this enormous fruit go to waste. We sat around with Jason and Amber drinking some ancient Kendall-Jackson chardonnay we found in the garage fridge (we didn't buy it), and eating some garlic-potent guacamole. The good thing about all the garlic is it masked the foul taste of the Kendall-Jackson. We finished the bottle the next night with dinner, and I wanted to dump it out. I can't blame the folks at Kendall-Jackson for the swill we consumed. I really have no idea how old it was; its lived in this house longer than we have. There's still three bottles of the garbage out in the garage. What should we do? Chuck it? Eat more garlicky guac'? Most wines are meant to be consumed immediately, and I'm afraid this stuff was meant to be consumed immediately by hobos.

The Official End of Summer...BOO

Its been a bittersweet couple of days. Hopefully I'll have something interesting to write about in the next few days, just as soon as I break out of this funk I've been in.

Good things:

• I got a new laptop today. This is its first blog entry.
  
• Chris' first day of VCU is tomorrow.


• Ramona has been in amazing health since we changed their food and started giving her glucosamine pills, which she thinks are treats. She's still flatulent, however.


• I took a day off work today to recharge my batteries and take care of stuff.
  
• This allowed me to sleep from 6:00 am until 10:30 am, which I really needed.


• I had enough time to catch up with some friends over the phone.


• The price of gas has gone down.


• Mad Men is good again.


• I got some new fall clothes.


• My credit card company sent me a check for $54.


• My mom sent me a surprise package...I can't wait to see what it is. I hope it's not a smushed avocado again.

Not good things:

• I laid awake in bed for two hours last night stirring about all the crappy things on my mind.


• We have to get up at 6:00 am tomorrow and no dilly-dallying allowed.


• Corbett is moving back home tomorrow or Friday. We already said goodbye. Will I ever see him again? My heart is broken...ok, maybe its not.


• We can't travel for the holidays and nobody seems to want to come to us.


• I have to retake my GMAT as well as take a prep class (because I'm not disciplined enough to study on my own).


• We quit drinking for a little while.


• Beginning of semester stress at work. :( People become stupid this time of year.


• I think our cherries are rotten but I still can't bring myself to throw them out.


• I'm going to miss eating lunch with Chris every day at the park.


• Woe is me.

Jake needs to stop licking

Jake has crotch rot. He would die if he knew I was announcing this publicly, but it’s his own fault. We have tried everything to keep him from nervously licking his hot spots, but nothing seems to work. The fur on his paws has grown back, but he’s suddenly missing fur on his leg next to his privates, which are bare as well. Chris and I have discussed the Elizabethan collar, but something about that is very scary and humiliating for all of us. Besides, I somehow think he will strangle himself with it when we’re not looking. Yesterday Chris and I purchased a product at PetSmart called “Bitter Yuck”, which is to be sprayed on hot spots to prevent licking. Upon arriving home, I sprayed his danger zone despite his blatant disapproval. I was aware that the act would be considered offensive, but I am ashamed of what his body is looking like lately. Later in the evening, I spied him licking, so immediately I attacked him again with the spray and shouted “NO!”, but I think I just terrified him. We decided that the crap doesn’t work, and back it went. Chris exchanged it for another bottle called “Grannick's Bitter Apple Spray”. If this doesn’t work, I’m going to make him wear shorts. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. Out of pure coincidence, Chris sent me this link last week, just for a chuckle.

Call of when you get this

I love T9. It used to take me hours to compose a text message, until Chris introduced me to it. It was scary at first glance, but when I realized it already knew what I was thinking, it made texting a breeze. The only caveat is that some words have the same formula. Here’s an example. This message was sent the other day to my friend and I nearly wet myself when I read it back after it was already sent. I never read anything before I hit send.

"Oh! I thought you were telling of that you were going. I will in to the pool. Let of get ready. Is Jason going?"

I know there are a lot of them, and some of them are dumb, but some are really funny. Off the top of my head:
Me = Of
No = On
If = He
Go = In
Jordan = Korean (my personal favorite)
Sonya = Snowb (Is that a word? Getting ready for snowball?)
Messy = Merry
Valentines = Takeover

My STUPID dogs

A few weeks back Ramona was having problems coming back home from her potty break without foam coming from her mouth. Due to our vast experience with this in Miami, we suspected the culprit would be of the amphibian family. We did our best to locate the frog, which I did, but he got away. (Actually, I got away.) For days she had been coming home high with a foam mustache, until one day I decided to take a gander in the backyard. I discovered what looked like a shriveled leaf. A shriveled leaf?! Leafs don’t shrivel! What the…that’s a decomposing frog! Gross! I quickly and nervously herded the dumb dogs back inside and called Chris to tell him about our homicidal boxer with a sick obsession with frogs. I couldn’t look at her. Sometimes when she is that disgusting I can’t love her either. After a bath, she’s back to being queen.

While we were out of town, Uncle Jim wrote to us that one of the dogs smelled like a festering infection. I was a little offended by the claim; after all, we do bathe them about once a month, or at least whenever they play with dead animals. We wrote it off, until Chris called me from home the day before yesterday to tell me that they were frolicking in the woods and came back smelling of decomposition. He was certain that something was caught by our slow, fat Jake. It couldn’t have been Ramona, because she lacks the dexterity and is much less bendy. They were cordoned off on the deck all day, and when Chris left the house, he left them in the sun room. I arrived home first, to find a huge puddle of something in the sun room. It was colossal. Surely it couldn’t have been urine. It was a lagoon. I looked at the water jug, and it wasn’t there. Perhaps they knocked it off? I found it inside the kitchen on the counter next to the sink. Hmm. Dante was nowhere in sight. I decided to wipe a little with a paper towel and found it to be yellow in color. Tired of these idiots’ high jinks, I shooed them off to the deck again and fetched a bucket and a mop. I had just returned home from celebrating my raise (yes, I got it after three months!) and I didn’t appreciate coming home to a piss-soaked wood floor. I cleaned up and showered, and when Chris arrived I was coming out to dry and told them that it was his turn to care after the idiots.

Yesterday we sent the Crime Scene Investigator (Chris) out into the woods and he finally discovered the D.B. of the small woodland creature, a decomposing squirrel. Nobody came to claim the body, so we discussed disposal. His vote is always to pitch it over the fence, but our neighbors have dogs too, and I didn’t want to engage in a game of rotting-corpse ping-pong with them. Even the abandoned house next door has a yard guy that comes at least once every two months to mow the wheat field. I could imagine that guinea bubba tossing it back and I’d be very ticked if I had to deal with that little nugget again. So it was decided that we’d bag it and trash it. The dogs got a bath, their linens washed and I can finally love them again. How cute are they?

I'm a lucky girl

Not only do I have the BEST husband in the world for taking the time to post our vacation while I finished my book (I have a mad girl crush on Chelsea Handler now), but he also shared the last chocolate chip cookie with me. How did I get so lucky? And I still have one more day of vacation before I go to work and get my shoulders all knotted up again...and I haven't cooked in almost a week. Ahhhhh.

One thing Chris left out of the blog: at that wine tasing in Barboursville, we tasted about 15 wines on an empty stomach. Most people who know me are aware that it doesn't take more than a few sips of alcohol to make me blurt out absurdities. I made Chris write this one down on the wine list:

Me: Do you think I'm fat?
Chris: Nooooooooooooo.

Me: The way you said that makes me think that you are.

Sonya needs a few more days

We arrived home from our trip yesterday and I'm still too tired to do anything. Here's me eating fried chicken at Michie Tavern. (I have to somehow justify this meal to my trainer. I know she's tired of my excuses. I was...sick?) Today Chris and I laid out in the sun all day at the pool and then laid in bed watching tv. Doing nothing all day is exhausting! I'll tell you all about vacation at a later date. Thank God Lisa tagged me with this nonsense, so my post for today will be:

1. Sonya needs to realize that justin and i are friends.
2. SONYA needs an Assistant Tournament Director (or perhaps more than one).
3. Sonya needs a family that can give her a lot of time & love.
4. Sweet Pug (Sonya) Needs a Loving Home
5. Sonya needs to turn 2 more or gain 27 more Zombie points to reach the next level
6. Sonya needs hands and voices - sure do, I'm stuck planning the end of the year school picnic
7. Sonya Needs To Lose Alot Of Pounds!!!
8. Sonya needs to do a handstand and break necks with her feet, and Kitana needs to be nude.
9. Sonya needs to be annoyed?
10. What Sonya needs now. Right now I need someone who is familiar with and can set up a creloaded (php based) shopping cart!
11. All Sonya needs is a little bit of pampering and preening and she's ready for her sultry shoot in a glorious stately home.
12. Sonya needs suncream fur norway nxt year! woohoo!
13. Sonya needs to check her blood sugar
14. Sonya needs to go, she's expecting people at her house, we hug goodbye.
15. Sonya needs help.

I do not believe that I will actually require any of these things for Christmas, but if you're in a pinch, I always accept wine and massages. Toodles.

Oh, and I tag Christopher and Corbett and Juliet. You must google search "your name needs" and type the first 15. Oh, it's a friggin' blast.